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brother

Good Time by Owl City started to play on the radio. I shot a look at my brother, who also happened to shoot a look at me. And then we started lightly singing. That’s the best kind, where two people are calmly singing and in their own comfort zone, but it’s as if our two comfort zones touch at the edges. It’s how worlds begin to merge but remain distinctly separate. And the sun was setting. The sky is so alive in New Mexico – there’s a feeling to it, a texture. It’s as if the color palette has been splashed in the air. We’re up at such a high elevation here that the sky has dimension, it has…quality. There’s a story to it. The clouds look as if they’re reaching out to me, desiring company. And then as I was observing outside the window to the left of us, he said this particular window of this car makes him feel like he’s in an 80’s movie. I thought about it for a second, quirked my head, and said, “Yeah, it is sort of like that.”

And we sang, and we sat in silence. And we sang some more. And that’s the best: radio sing-a-longs.

And that’s the best kind of life: meaningful simplicity.

“Windows 8 newest processor (intel i5/i7) 6+gb of ram, the best graphic card brands..NVIDIA and RADEON/AMD”
“What you have told me is beyond my understanding”
“Graphics cards and ram aren’t beyond your understanding”
“It’s just you speak like a computer and I don’t understand that because I speak like ~*~SHAKESPEARE~*~”
“Wow. This is why I want to become a computer scientist”
“This is why I want to become a writer”
“Boring”
“Programming is the definition of boring”
“YOU WOULDN’T EVEN BE TEXTING ME IF IT WASN’T FOR PROGRAMMING”
“But there is more to the world than technology. THERE IS LOVE!”
“Hmm..”

I’m grinning. Sorry Andy, you lose :)

I just sneezed really loudly, and in that moment, I imagined I was in my room back home in New Mexico and that my brother, whose room shares the same wall as mine, told me god bless you.

I love my brother :) I love him so much I just want to fly him out here for his spring break and he could come hang out and we could do meaningful things together. When my family was here in Santa Cruz last summer, I showed him where I used to live on campus, I showed him the wall art at Porter College, I showed him the clocktower at the end of downtown, I brought him to delicious food places that he would like, and then we went to the beach together. I remember my mom and uncle wanting to leave, and I said we should wait because just look at how much fun my brother is having just by feeling the cold, cold waves crash onto his ankles. He is the one of the few people I’ve introduced into my own lovey-dovey world, pointing out all the little things that I fall in love with. If he visited, I would show him the little places in San Jose that I find resonating, and I know that he would find it somewhat interesting too.

I’ve even considered trying to ask for a week off from work just to go to New Mexico and hang out with him, because I know my parents won’t fly him out. I’ve already asked before, hehe

Mister Andrew, you are my starlight :) I want to be there for your every milestone. I want to be the one that first teaches you how to drive (even though we know this wouldn’t happen) and I want to be there the first time you drink alcohol. Any girl who likes you and wants to date you is going to have to be accepted by me first. I will always, always stand up for you. I will always remember the time at the library when that bratty blonde approached me and asked me if I was your sister. I responded yes, and she had the nerve to tell me you’re “kinda” weird. In that moment, I looked at her dead straight in the eye and I said, don’t you dare say that about my brother. She kind of retreated and she timidly responded with something along the lines of how she didn’t mean for it to be anything bad, but in that moment, I know she was trying to tell me something negative. In that moment, I was not a worker at the library, I didn’t have a care for social boundaries, this is you we’re talking about. And as I walked back to the counter, I noticed my boss witnessed all of it and smiled (she knows I never say anything with a stern voice because I’m passive like that).

My brother is one of the most noble, admirable people I know. He has a strong mind and an even stronger heart. I love his carelessness and his motivation. I always talk about him to one of my best friends, and he says, “I love the way you talk about brother.” In a way, my brother and I aren’t just siblings. We are much more. We keep each other stable. When I was younger and I would be crying, he would slowly and indirectly walk into my room and silently sit next to me. That’s the best kind of support, you know, at least for me. Everybody tries to touch you. Everybody tries to ease your pain with words. Everybody tries to comfort you with their comfort. He knows I am strong enough to deal with this on my own, but he wanted to be there to support me on my journey. It’s noble, you know. Some girl will be very lucky one day, wink wink :)

“What is love?”
“Something I don’t have!”
“What is the meaning of life?”
“I don’t know!”
“What is happiness?”
“I don’t know!! Something you have but I don’t!”

He listens to me recite all my chanting quotes, even though he groans and rolls his eyes. He hates when I’m philosophical. One time he wouldn’t go to sleep, he was just a ball of energy, so I decided to start telling him all these quotes I had known. And he said, “okay I’m tired now.” and I said, “okay good. I’ll just keep reciting quotes until you fall asleep.” And soon after, he did :)

He texts me on a weekly basis asking the price of gas in California, because he knows it’s always cheaper in New Mexico, by a land slide at that.

“How much is your gas :p”
“How much is yours…”
“3.37”
“4.03”

He texts me with the weirdest updates and I always burst in laughter.

“The hail killed all our vegetables…”

“I’m using your pink blanket..I’m just that cold”
“THAT’S THE BLANKET I’VE HAD SINCE BIRTH! DON’T USE IT”
“The new one that isn’t all crappy, your old one is all thin”

My brother is going to be a computer engineer. I already know it, he already knows it himself, but my boss and I have this running joke that he’s going to be a starving artist. When he was younger, maybe 7 or 8, I always told him he should be a photographer and he said he wanted to make all the money in the world and that artists don’t make money. I love his responses because they are so blunt yet so true.

I can’t wait to see what you’re doing in 10 years :) You want to work at Intel when you’re older? Done. I’ll find a job for you, you smartypants :)