i’m programmed to love. i live in a daydream. this is what i enjoy: car rides with the music blasted, spontaneity that turns an ordinary day into an unforgettable adventure, sushi, the smell of cucumbers and bell peppers, sunsets that reflect against the skin, the distance between two people standing just inches away from each other, collections, the way a hand cusps around a wine glass, remembering what makes each individual special, being remembered for your own quirks, sitting on the floor at a bookstore, bunnies, light rays that tell a story, lipstick stains on cigarettes … being covered in blankets … the act of sharing a moment of silence with another … the passion that splurges from one’s mouth … all of it … and more … but most of all just, being alive. being alive. being alive, oh nothing is better than a soul of vitality. with liveliness comes everything else. but people are always thinking it is the opposite aren’t they. they’re trying to find meaning to live meaningfully. but it’s right under their noses. you must just simply be. everything comes second. but if you first and foremost make your life meaningful, it won’t make a damn difference that everything else comes second. joie de vivre.
i believe in: laughter and affection
writing poetry is how i breathe
to unravel the mind and the heart from the outside in is to see the world with a new pair of eyes. seek experience, welcome change
i don’t really understand this concept of the real world. i live in a series of imaginations
feeling the pressure to grow up is a fallacy that society has placed onto you. you can do anything without having to grow up
to fear anything is to fear everything
i like to skip and hold hands
Everything is connected. I’m a vagabond. I am insanity and calamity. I live in a chaotic world and I ricochet from one life to the next. I love when people’s eye sparkle with love. I believe in the impossible. One of my favorite things in the world is when my brother sends me random texts. I like big sweaters, patterns, art, ripped tights, empty roads, and quoting everyone. I am the cheesiest person in the world. I never live in the real world.
You will generally find me at used bookstores, Jamba Juice, thrift stores, tea cafes, random benches, and.. McDonald’s :)
Don’t tell me who you’ve been. Tell me who you’re going to be.
observer by day, maniac by night, dreamer by choice, misfit by destiny, lover by chance.
depending on which time period and frame of reference you’ve met me, i could be anything. i shift identities. i’m the girl that timidly smiles at the cashier and i’m the girl that strikes up a conversation and learns your life in a minute’s time. sometimes i am silent and sometimes i am in the middle of the dance floor asking you to move to the rhythm of chaos with me. the problem with growth is that change complements instability. ask me what i stand for, and i’ll write you a novel. ask me who i am, and that depends on how wild my emotions are running. what i’m trying to convey is that i’m not entirely sure. however, i am sure of this. i am sure that madness has taken over me, and i couldn’t ask for anything else. i’ve already died, i am already in heaven. or is this hell? this would be a great question to philosophize over tea. ask me who i am, and i can compile you a list of everything that i resonate with. but for simplicity’s sake, i am a writer. i am a poet more than anything and i live in a secret language of emotions.
i write to understand. i write to know what matters. meaning is revealed when these words crawl onto a page and unveil a story derived my heart. writing keeps me sane. writing saves me from my nothingness, from my too muchness. i want to capture the fleeting present moment. it is in my nature to obsessively jot down these thoughts before it becomes outdated. contrarily, i write what i can’t seem to forget. i write what my heart carries, what my mind translates. writing is my racing pulse.
i don’t write to construct an argument. i write to evoke emotion. i’m not trying to tell it like it is, because, the truth is that nothing is just as it seems. i’m not trying to organize my thoughts, i’m trying to find some sensibility. i’m neither trying to be excessively wordy nor harshly brief. i don’t want to file away these feelings for safekeeping, i want to indulge in them. on the other hand, i write to feel at peace, to tame the voice that screams, “write me down! write me down! hurry! i’m moving on! did you catch that?”
the air i breathe contains a melody, so when i inhale music notes, i exhale a sonata. i write to comprehend the walls closing in, to glorify the liberation. i write to meet and greet with my fears. i write to bid my shadows goodbye. my writing, like my wardrobe, tells me, “this is how i feel today.”
i write to know that i exist. it’s the only certain way that i know i’m alive.
1. what i consider spontaneity: ordering something other than 2 mcchickens at mcdonald’s
2. every time i have to throw away a pair of ripped tights, it’s like a funeral for me. rip :(
3. i won’t buy a blouse over $13, but i won’t think twice about spending $60+ on drinks for others in one night
4. if you’re a realist, get out of my way. test me, i fucking dare you. i will fucking pulverize you
5. i ask a lot of questions all the time, because my curiosity cannot be satiated. i remember everything you say
6. if i could change anything about my past, i would’ve never sacrificed choir class for ap classes
7. one time i saw license plates in this exact order: new york, new mexico, california, washington. i wonder if i’m meant for seattle
8. one of my favorite things in the world is if you reference my brother or superman
9. over thanksgiving weekend, my soul sister and i drove down from santa cruz to los angeles for a rave and we met people from utah who said we would never meet up again. then i met up with them less than 7 months later in vegas :)
10. that same weekend my soul sister and i slept in the backseat of my car in a parking lot
11. the first thing i did upon walking out of my car after a car crash i caused was laugh and tell the stranger i’m sorry in-between my gasps of air
12. i once bought a pack of cigarettes and lit three at once and twirled them around just to see the art of smoke formation
13. i scored terribly on the SATs but i have an iq bordering on 140
14. i enjoy philosophical conversations over tea as much as i do spending a sleepless night out at the bars
15. inwardly organized, outwardly spontaneous
16. i wish we lived in a world where everybody rests their heads on shoulders and holds hands
17. i like sleepovers
18. i am afraid of walking from my studio to my car, but i am not afraid to couch surf at a stranger’s house
19. the categories on wordpress make me really anxious, i always wonder what if i’m placing my entries in wrong categories, and should i place them in more than one, and will this scatter my blog if i place my entry in two categories, etcetc the racings of the mind grrr
20. i don’t have time to slow down
21. one time i had a dream of a glowing purple leaf, and i for some reason knew it was very representational of my life. i then googled the meaning of it that morning and it said it indicates a woman that has little care for stability
22. i follow patterns. for example, one of the boys that i babysit, his school ends at 2:23pm, there are 23 students in his class, i was passing by his school at 23mph, and that day he asked me to read a story from pg 23. “coincidentally” we were also looking at the date of when this US state was established (12/21) and he said oh that’s 2 days before christmas, and i said christmas is on the 25th and he said, oh i thought it was the 23rd. every event happened within a timespan of 3 hours around the number 23. coincidence? i think not!
23. i have imaginary friends!
24. when i was younger, i used to meticulously unwrap my christmas presents so i could see what they were but then neatly place the tape back in place. i then neatly unwrapped it on christmas day because i wanted to save the gift wrap for crafts
25. i’m immortal and insane, two of the worst (best) combinations
I have no interest for the predictable or the mediocre. They asked for normalcy, so I decided I would give them imbalance.
I deeply resonate with Adam Young, Charles Bukowski, Sylvia Plath, Grandmother Willow, Rumi, Mary Oliver, Mindy Gledhill, The Mad Hatter, Chloe Sullivan, Zelda Fitzgerald, and Charlie from The Perks.
You will never beat me at good hugs or wacky facial expressions.
I am a figment of your imagination. Neverland is my home. I like to play hide and seek in outer space. I can actually fly. Catch me if you can.