i am going to refine my life. i am tired of wasting time. finding more excuses to procrastinate my life. i am going to read. and i am going to damn well finish what i start. i am so horrible with following through because my emotions fluctuate so easily. i am going to learn to be comfortable with repetition, but at the same time also find the balance between repetition and spontaneity. i am going to cook with love. not habit. i am going to love my boyfriend out loud, the same way you can hear a radio blasting from a car halfway down the block. i am going to look for the best in everybody, with the first person being me. i am going to relearn how to live in the moment. i am going to find my alcohol of choice and learn how to take shots again like i am 16 and still oblivious to the consequences. i want to live life the way i drive – in the fast lane. i want to find my dream and splatter it everywhere. i want my dream to keep me awake at night. i want the idea of the future to shiver my insides because i am so irresistibly excited and impatient about it. i want to know what i stand for. the problem isn’t that i don’t know, the problem is that i stand for everything. i’m tired of believing in everything. there’s just too much of everything. i need to consolidate what i care about, find out what grinds my gears, discover what soothes me on bad days. i want to dress what i’m feeling, and i want to always feel amazing. i’m okay with my life being messy, i just can’t have it be disorganized. i need to unclutter absolutely everything about my life, so i can make room for what’s to come, what’s been lost, and what’s already there but has been buried.
so here’s to 2015 – my mom told me this is my golden year, so ima take my momma’s advice and act on it. life will never come to me, i have to go out there and get it.