it is very important to let the universe happen to you. let it melt you. let it break you. life should capture your heart. life should shiver your bones, give you goosebumps. i cannot emphasize this enough because we have learned to desensitize ourselves…to the news, to other’s emotions, to our own emotions. jonathan safran foer once said, “you cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.” this rings so true because, when we separate ourselves from one emotion we can no longer experience other emotions in their purest forms. so i leave this with you today. we must live like there is magic everywhere. because there IS, you just simply have to see it. if life does not make you feel like your soul is bursting out of your own body, then you need to find a way so that it does. there is emotion everywhere. there is beauty everywhere. absorb it. let these experiences humble you.
i am going to refine my life. i am tired of wasting time. finding more excuses to procrastinate my life. i am going to read. and i am going to damn well finish what i start. i am so horrible with following through because my emotions fluctuate so easily. i am going to learn to be comfortable with repetition, but at the same time also find the balance between repetition and spontaneity. i am going to cook with love. not habit. i am going to love my boyfriend out loud, the same way you can hear a radio blasting from a car halfway down the block. i am going to look for the best in everybody, with the first person being me. i am going to relearn how to live in the moment. i am going to find my alcohol of choice and learn how to take shots again like i am 16 and still oblivious to the consequences. i want to live life the way i drive – in the fast lane. i want to find my dream and splatter it everywhere. i want my dream to keep me awake at night. i want the idea of the future to shiver my insides because i am so irresistibly excited and impatient about it. i want to know what i stand for. the problem isn’t that i don’t know, the problem is that i stand for everything. i’m tired of believing in everything. there’s just too much of everything. i need to consolidate what i care about, find out what grinds my gears, discover what soothes me on bad days. i want to dress what i’m feeling, and i want to always feel amazing. i’m okay with my life being messy, i just can’t have it be disorganized. i need to unclutter absolutely everything about my life, so i can make room for what’s to come, what’s been lost, and what’s already there but has been buried.
so here’s to 2015 – my mom told me this is my golden year, so ima take my momma’s advice and act on it. life will never come to me, i have to go out there and get it.