repeat after me:
I can’t take care of myself by myself.
sometimes I will need help.
it is okay to ask.
sometimes I will need more help than I expected.
it is okay to ask.
I am not weak because I don’t feel strong,
it is because my emotions are strong that I am strong.
I am not dependent because I need someone else.
I am brave. I am vulnerable and,
I am not afraid to show it.
I’m going to be meeting up with my high school friend who I haven’t seen in five years, one of the girls who was alongside with me during the core of my lowest points. I’ve never been able to explain my high school past to anyone in such a way that I can depict the depth and insanity of my life as a fourteen year old. she is one of the people who has known me through everything despite not keeping in touch throughout the years I’ve grown here in California. this will be a very refreshing yet surreal visit from the past. she will bring me back to the girl I was. she will remind me of all the anxiety and the spontaneity. of how I learned what it meant to be ‘alive’ and in pain. it’s what we called numbness. she represents a part of me and a life that I feel both at once ashamed and proud of. there are some unresolved feelings from who I was a lifetime ago. maybe I feel comfortable facing these feelings with her. and by maybe I think I mean certainly.
sometimes there are people you meet in which trust is developed, she is someone where the trust was immediate. maybe sometimes we are able to feel the best and the worst about everything because of the ones we have a long-lasting friendship with. because they allow us and we trust their space.
it’s people like her that makes me firmly believe that we can’t survive the journey alone.
i’ve recently developed a guilty pleasure for watching animal videos. there are so many worlds out there and we sometimes forget there are lives past the human one. these videos expose me to animal wilderness at its finest. these animals experience the world as we do & embody qualities just like ours. you will see an array of hardworking and lazy animals, animals who experience stretching happiness and piercing sadness. i love watching animals use their critical thinking skills and s t r u g g l e, because it shows passion and perseverance. watching these videos reminds me that emotion is universal, that we are all the same, that i am no different than the other, that you and i have the same heartbeat.