i do not have time for people who do not value friendships. i just don’t. i am not a convenience. i am not exchangeable. i am not here to represent some sort of “waiting time” until you find someone else. nothing irks me more than the fact that people will forget about others because they think they’ve found love. i don’t trust people who don’t value friendship because it makes me wonder what they do value, what they’re willing to do to move ahead at the expense of others. i’m not sure why we are chasing some sort of ideal of love in a significant other and not (also) in friends. friends can be some of the best sources of love and trust and faith. there is nothing quite like having a lasting friendship. ask the poets, some of them say that the most beautiful of relationships is a friendship.
i’ve learned that in life you need a little bit of sass to get by, and by that i mean a lot. i can’t sit around waiting for these people to come back, i can’t sit around trying to make things work. i’ve spent so much of my life being sorry, sorry for being too emotional, sorry for not understanding the other enough, sorry for having needs. my whole life became one big apology for being human. and i thought i was doing the right thing that i didn’t even realize that through this process, i became ashamed of myself. i began to hide. i can’t spend my life hopelessly wishing, trying to mend friendships. i am so afraid of things ending, so afraid of tension, that i will do anything to save conflict, even if it means forgetting myself. i can’t do that anymore. i will not let others tell me it’s remotely okay to forget about myself.
you can recycle me, but i’ll come back even better than before. no one is ever created nor destroyed, only transformed.
“you think i’m replaceable, i’m from outer space.”