i don’t have an affirmative identity and this is what gets me into mental beef. i don’t want to be alone but then i want to be alone and then i am alone for too long in my head and get so deep into these inner worlds of mine that i now just want to drink wine or sleep. agh. i am sad. why am i so bad at this. i am so indecisive. i want to be good at this. this is all a metaphor for something i am not saying because i know it’s all in my head but the point is I CANT GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD. i want to somehow cut my brain open and take these words out so that my mind can rest. but i can’t. reality doesn’t work with imagination like that. my thoughts are running wild. how do i tame these vicious words.

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