it’s okay because there are always love poems to read, always other worlds to be in, loving them from far away, living in them close by. this is about how we get lost in the words that we wish were ours, this is about the songs that set the mood for something other than right now. this is how you drown out the noise. this is how i turn the space between you and me into art. this is not a metaphor for you, this is a metaphor for a poor excuse.
you’ve made yourself into an orphan who
builds home in people
who have private property signs.
stop loving people
can’t have them.
there are some people
that won’t answer the door
no matter how much you wait
for them to understand.
is not poetic.
people will not always
you will learn this the hard way
because you think other people’s homes
are more beautiful
if a woman
has enough time
to put on eyeliner,
more than enough time
to love you.
it’s about this saturday morning,
the way his eyes kiss me good morning,
and i wonder
how it always feels like i am waking up next to him
for the first time.
it’s about how you look into some people’s eyes
and you see oceans, and you tell yourself,
“this is what
looks like, this is what
rivers wish to be”
but i look into his,
i see outer space.
i want to,
for a moment
from my mind
into your arms.
please be there even when i don’t ask you
to be, because i am always quick to notice
when people leave, and my boyfriend says that i have lived
a lifetime of temporary connections, and i don’t
understand the word “permanence”
i attach myself to people and i’m tired
of my sensitivity, and that’s how i learned the art
of detaching from myself. because that’s
what i’ve made of my freedom, even if it was created,
even if it was distorted. is it too much to ask that you
will listen (for a long time), that you will ask questions,
because i am not one to talk about myself,
even when asked three times.
and this is important because, because i ask no one of this
but i want it from you, because it’s crushing to watch
people always come back, because that means
they are always leaving. and i don’t want to be
recycled. i want you to be the friend
i’m trying this new idea where i spend less in front of a screen. i already don’t watch tv, so it really is only spending time on the computer. i think the internet is lovely, you know, because there is so much to learn in so many formats, varying from art to videos to writing to facebook messaging. but that’s the problem, we live in such a world based on information it’s as if there is so much information and not enough time to learn it all. it’s subconscious, the way we are addicted to the internet – to filing through tumblr, twitter, pinterest, facebook, our emails, etc. and i want to veer away from that. i’ve taken the initiative to unfollow a lot of people who reblog too much and if their writing doesn’t necessary strike home for me (not that their writing isn’t great, but i follow too many writers on here and need to cut down somewhere). i want to be more attune with real life, there is something else more peculiar about it. i haven’t had the time of day to just sit down and read a book anymore, because i am constantly reading poetry snippets or quotes from books on tumblr, or i’m reading articles on thought catalog. the list goes on – i’m looking at fashion and food on pinterest, and liking people’s photos and statuses on facebook.
i want more time for the gym, because that is starting to feel amazing. i want to be able to sit here and even just have the luxury of reading articles on a magazine instead of articles on the internet. i want to dive in books again (and it’s so so so awful to actually have to say this because i don’t read that much often anymore). i start books and don’t get halfway through them before i finish because i’ve moved onto the next book, i’ve moved onto the next thing. i think that’s the problem with people like me and most of how society works – there just isn’t enough time for everything, but we want everything, so we dab our toes in a little bit of everything, but in fact, we are truly missing out because we are unable to engage in one task for too long. we are constantly distracted with new things. i want to become more attentive, more conscious. i want to walk around used bookstores more, take walks around my neighborhood more, walk around grocery stores to be inspired by new items for new recipes simply because i want to cook something new. these, and thensome, are ALL factors in my life, but they happen so sporadically, so randomly. i want my life to be more constant, to have more meaning, to be present with more people. i want to stop being unmotivated and just get up and going with my life besides when i need to go to work and besides when i need to run errands and besides when i go out for the weekend. i want to do yoga, to salsa dance with my boyfriend, to meditate, to try something new new new, and stick with it. i want to be able to breathe, to take life slowly, without becoming lazy. i want balance. i want this all to be important.