I have to write. I have to know I’m still all there so that I’m not somewhere else where I can’t be retrieved. I have to write but I wouldn’t have to if I was by your side. You see, writing and being with you have similar effects and roles in my life. When I am with you, I don’t feel the need to write, because every moment is captured so perfectly in-between the moment before and when we do hug and accidentally brush our cheeks against each other’s. And there aren’t any words that could capture the way we play off of each other’s metaphors without ever touching the real subject.
They say things lose their meaning when spoken too much about, and that is something I am much too familiar with, but your presence in my life only seems to grow stronger. I’m so restless with my love for you. Every time I try to describe you, I am left breathless. And maybe that’s what love is all about. Maybe love is the stumble in my words. Maybe you are unable to be put into words. This was something I learned long ago, but I have taken up the challenge to write you, because if I cannot be with you and I cannot see you again, these words are all I have. And all these words will be dedicated to you whether or not you see them, because in a way, you already know.
(june 12 2013)