what controls you?
is it internal? guilt? self-consciousness? irrational thoughts? anxiety?
is it external? finance? your parents? your current location? schooling? the news? friends?
when we become anxious in our anxiety, angry at our anger, irrational in our irrational thoughts – you name it – we are controlled by it. we are attached to our worst selves, whether knowingly or not, it penetrates us and prevents us from seeing clearly. but that’s just it: we think our fears help us. and this is true…to a certain degree. nobody can be without fear, but there is a difference between being aware of your fear and being controlled by it.
when you can find what controls you, you musn’t be upset at yourself. this is not the way to cope with the realization, you must see that you are hyperaware of something in your life. are you hyperaware of each dollar you spend or are you hyperaware of the way people make you feel? is it both? is it neither? is there more?
some people are hyperaware of their thoughts, others are hyperaware of their environments, both of which can result in paranoia. you must see your hyperawareness as a gift, that way you can be released of its control. you must accept the current state of your life before you can implement any change, before you can let go. because that’s what you want after all, isn’t it? to be free from your self.