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Monthly Archives: July 2013

some say they would never date a smoker but i know myself
too well and i will meet the love of my life on the side of the road
with a hoodie over his head
and he will be smoking a cigarette
with his past replaying in his mind
and he’s all too drunk but strangely too sober
and that’s why he’s smoking the cigarette because all
the bars and liquor stores
are closed

and he will have a house
but not a home

and his aura will have an immensely heavy energy
but for some reason it’s extremely alluring
because it’s somehow weightless

and i will find the way he smokes
artistic
and he will try to tell me it’s the cigarette
that makes him beautiful
and i will disagree because
it’s the opposite

and i will look him in the eyes and i will see that
he smokes in order to turn his pain
into ashes, but then
the pain caught on fire

and i will be able to see that he keeps track of the hours in a day
through moments like these

i will fall in love with a boy whose hands are a thousand years old
and it will make me wish i was a palm-reader
i will fall in love with a boy who is so damaged
that i think i could repair him.

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i feel vulnerable but safe
at the same time
i’m in a new phase, i guess you could say
i am normally so emotionally independent
that i don’t allow others to tell me how to
feel, i am well aware of why
i am this way, it’s rather
simple, it is because
i care about my image, i want people to think
i have it all together, but now
i’m more receptive but also
susceptible
and so today i woke up and i realized
i have to open myself to being simply
human
because i’m the type of person that wants it done right
the first time or i don’t
want it done at all
i want to open myself up to mistakes
to falling
to feeling hurt

and believing that i can
rebuild myself in the event
everything goes awry

and so i will

this
is about
self-trust

Everybody is the same. We are all born the same. Perspective is what makes us different. Consciousness is both a curse and a blessing. It’s what separates us even though consciousness is one. We are not little minds contained in bodies, we are one. And that’s what the mystics are trying to show us.

you are not a good guest
you just expect to be treated well

you expect engaging conversation
but you don’t feel the need
to spark a thought.

you want change
to be inspired by others
but you won’t do it yourself.

you are always
disappointed in others.

have you ever
given credit
where credit is due?

you are not a queen
only in your imagination.

don’t ask for what you can’t give.

if i was a disney character i would not
be a disney princess
i would be peter pan

my life can be described as one huge episode
of peter pan complex, and yes this is indeed a
psychological concept
you should google it

there is nothing i want more
than to be having the time of my life
at three in the morning
laughing with my best friend
or
sleeping next to a person i love
or
swinging at a playground

sometimes i am so much
in my imagination
i don’t know
how to get out
and that
is the best part

today i went to world market for perhaps the first time in months and it’s such a nostalgic experience. learning customer service was so fun, i don’t know how others feel about it, but i think there is a sort of grand feeling in knowing that you are being presented professionally and helping customers towards what they need and suggesting your own taste to their basket. i learned a lot from that place, from learning how to advertise certain products to hearing my own voice on the intercom to wrapping a million wine glasses while simultaneously ringing the person up and trying to make conversation with them. i think there is so much you can learn in a customer by what they buy and what they say, and how often they come back. some people always buy the same product, such as a bottle of wine, some people only come during wine sales and buy boxes, others come regularly for that one bag of chips they enjoy. and i don’t know it was a really emotional moment. i picked up a blueberry fig bar at the check out line today and i remember the first time a coworker had me try it and told me how much healthier it is than nutrigrain bars at safeway, and that it’s extremely evident in the sugar content. and i thought of her and her bleach blonde hair and her love for hello kitty and her dedication to eating healthy and staying fit and it was just a huge burst of love i had for her. it was just so nostalgic. so beautifully nostalgic