i have so much love for the mom

i have so much love for the mom of the girls i nanny for. she’s a teacher and she’s on summer break and she takes her children everywhere. one day it’s the park, the next day it’s a playdate. by the end of the week the girls have gone swimming, gone to toddler events such as music events or sport arenas for toddlers. on the weekends when the daddy is home, they go to san francisco or monterey bay for zoos and aquariums. or they just go out together and do errands together. and i think that’s so beautiful, the way they are a family. they’re not just taking up the same space together, moving along at the same pace, they’re a loving, meaningful family.

but then one day she didn’t take them out and they just had a day in and she said she felt guilty because she wanted a few hours to herself, and it’s different than you know running errands by yourself or going to the gym, she just wanted a break from her children. and i thought how silly this was and i told her to go rest and i’ll take the girls out on a walk around the neighborhood and that you’re not just a mom, you’re also ada. you don’t always have to show people the world and bring such positive experiences to people. and she reminds me so much of me. wanting time to yourself does not make it a negative experience. it’s almost as if people’s lives and their happiness is our center. some people are centered on how people make them feel, people like ada and i are centered on how other’s feel. and she teaches me that it’s okay to take time off from people without feeling guilty because i always do. i’m the initiator, i plan all the events and i know people feed off of my energy really easily because i’m really open and i don’t want to feel lethargic and gloomy and boring in front of others, but then i realize it’s okay. it’s okay to be lethargic and want time to yourself and it’s okay to be lethargic and boring in front of others because everything is just a phase and people won’t take it personally. and that’s what i’m always afraid of — that people will take my emotions personally, i don’t know, is that silly?

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