this won’t cure your misery but maybe it will do something else

i worry about you, i am conditioned with
anxiety when you text me, “hey”
at three
in the morning because i know it all
catches up to you at that hour,
and three am is always is too late, too early to sleep

three am is the sudden knock on your heart that
you are all alone
you proclaim that all you want is for
someone to love you
unconditionally, your honesty is admirable
some people live a lifetime and never learn
how to say those words, but your honesty is also
blinding

you are loved, so much

three am has a funny way
of telling us how unlovable we are
you must not believe that voice of yours

i worry about this self-hatred that has somehow
stained your judgment of yourself,
my love, your worthlessness is a mask
you’ve created that hides
your beauty

you are frequently
drinking
alone
during broad daylight
but i know sometimes
we just need a friend,
we just need a reminder of what
freedom feels like

yes, i will move to
brazil with you if you promise me
we will come back
to california

i worry when you let the
advertised ideal obstruct
your ideal
please don’t listen
to the people who don’t know
anything about life
i worry that the misery
you see in everyone somehow
finds a way to you

you can’t let people penetrate
your purity, you simply
can’t

i must tell you that three am
is never a good time to be awake
especially if you
begin to think about the distance
between what you want
and where you are

three am is a massive dose
of realism, you must keep the
dreamer side of you alive

fight, fight

you wake me up when you feel this way,
you wake me up so i can tell you that today
has been a long day, that this year has been
a tough year, that all these years
have been monsoon seasons, but darling
the sun will shine tomorrow and that’s what you
have to remember, that the sunlight
is you, but for now, you must rest,
you must close those blue eyes of yours
we can reminisce about the lives of the hopeless
another time

sometimes the best way to fight
is to try again tomorrow

when we welcome defeat,
it is no longer defeat,
but another path to wander

never forget your wanderlust

you taught me that

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