you are not worthless

“friends are recyclable
my brother is psychotic
i am happiest when
i am alone”

how are you still happy?

“because when i’m alone or hiking or
with my dog in nature, i see what matters,
i feel away from stress and nothing matters but
the good intentions and wants in my heart”

it’s different for people
like us, it’s hard to watch
nothing change, we don’t know how to detach
like others, but that’s what we must learn,
it’s the only way to make this pain
bearable,
sometimes we must sacrifice
how much we care for the sake of
taking care of ourselves

“my blood
boils, and my skin
crawls,
i feel like i’m going to
burst, and i step away
and feel fine again,
i’m borderline high blood pressure”

you began the conversation with, “no one gives a shit
about me.” i do. i do so much that i cannot believe
you swallow the words your family
feeds you, i care so much that i
sat in my car in a parked garage crying

we don’t talk about family much
it’s a sensitive topic for us, we know,
maybe we are contradictions because we live
in a noisy head and a heavy heart and we don’t know how
to balance the two

so we canceled them out
and found within us a conditional freedom

we have seen too much
to rely on any thing, any one, but like all
intentions, they backfire

and so we end up loving
more, the way we always have,
maybe people like us
find a way to live beautifully so that
no one else has to experience the pain
that we have.

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