Why do we view love as a catastrophe instead of a miracle? A gift sent by angels? Perhaps it is because of how love is conceptualized in society – too fanatical, too out-of-reach, too unreal.
So then what happens? We pretend to be in love. We pretend that accumulated time equals to love. We deceive ourselves with the thought that someone who makes us feel secure (or moreover, keep the walls of the ego high) is love.
We are mistaken. We are deluded. We think that the more attractive we are, the more we’re able to win over somebody. We try and fit this idea of “pretty” so that we can be fit for this idea of pseudoromance. I don’t blame this, you see. Romance exists everywhere in media. We live in a world where everything is romanticized but nearly holds zero meaning. For example: dinners where he pays, where he escorts you back home, nights where he asks if you made it home safely. We care more about the idea of love than the person itself. We care more about materialized love than an actual connection. We think we owe it to others to be the best boyfriend or girlfriend we can be, so we dress ourselves up with fancy cologne (seductive, they say) and an expensive attire only to be worn once to see how fast it can be ripped off from your body. We buy our way into love.
We search for signs where our presence is touched. We seek temporary relief from loneliness and believe that that if enough of these instances of relief add up, they must be the one. We’re only looking to be loved. How can true love exist if it’s one-way? When we rummage for people to fill the emptiness in our lives, we aren’t forming a relationship with the person across from us. We’re filling a gap in ourselves. We’re seeking validation that we have a purpose. We have checklists, we weigh the pros and cons.
One of the most profound philosophies that I’ve learned is that everything we do is a reflection of ourlseves. When we hold onto images of love in society, it is also an extension of the image we hold of ourselves. We compartmentalize, distinguish “good” qualities from “bad”, actively search for desirable traits in another.
Love is not a criterion. Love is, and never will be, the black-and-white phenomenon you’ve created.
Everything we do either brings our loneliness into our awareness or soothes it, but taming loneliness doesn’t mean we aren’t still lonely. It just means it’s been briefly subsided before it rises again. But it doesn’t always have to be like that. In fact, you can change your life in a moment’s spare. Love is not a solution. Love is your very being.
When we love ourselves, we don’t need to sit day and night waiting or savoring our “love”. When you love yourself, it simply means your interactions with others no longer revolve around the perpetual wonder if you’re being accepted. You no longer immediately reflect if you said or did the right thing. You are able to be yourself. I’ve struggled with years to find a definition that could begin to describe love, and I think I like that one. Love is being able to be yourself in front of others. And then, when we truly find love, we are able to be ourselves in front of that person too. That’s love.
But, if we invest in a relationship in which it’s a constant reaffirmation to make us feel loved, safe, and secure, how long will this last before it erupts into another seemingly love tragedy? We live in a society where real love has struggles, where a relationship is strengthened through countless arguments – that’s how our society justifies the pain and sorrow. We view problems as an indicator of growth, and we view that process of working through it as commitment. I’m not saying by any means a relationship doesn’t require struggle and that problems don’t foster growth, but here’s something I want you to consider. Love is easy. Relationships can be effortless. Is this to say the relationship is much less meaningful and substantial compared to the relationship I mentioned previously?
It’s impressive how much we believe from society, yet we don’t break from the pattern. We just become disturbingly aware about it.
I proposed the question earlier asking if you’re easy to love. When we believe we’re easy to love, and live under that very emotion, lightness radiates into all our relationships. Our relationships with others are easy – weightless as a feather, fluid as a stream. When we fight with others, we are actually fighting with ourselves. We inadvertently drag people into our darkness. And unfortunate as it is, from these experiences, there is a certain level of comfort reached when we no longer hesitate to pull others into our demons.
And instead of facing our demons, we create demons in others. And that’s where a majority of our fault lies. When we patronize others, aren’t we only really patting our ego on its back?
We search for the idea of love that is still faceless to us, because society says somebody completes us. They say love completes us. This part, is true, but it is the source of love that i beg to differ with. The love must come from within. At the core of us is a soul filled with bountiful love.
Love is who we are. We are not all this extra junk that has manifested within us out of fear. We see love as something to chase after in the outside world, but all of it is already in us. Maybe even too much for our body to withhold to be honest, but it finds a way. Love always finds a way.