i love you as much as the bursting rays of the sun chase the calming moonlight. i do love you, i will love you, even if you don’t want it, even if the love i have for you is sometimes broken, sometimes lonely.
i live in a house, but this is not home. home is where you are. on days like these, i feel like a homeless person searching for you, searching for you and only you.
what do you do when the person you miss the most is out of reach? what do you do with a love like this when nothing seems to be the antidote except resting next to you?
what would you do if fantasy met reality? would you erase your fantasy in order to erase love? or will you remain in being helplessly romantic?
i would never unlove you. loving you is easy, but your presence is the only thing that protects me. i start that sentence with the conjunction “but” because my love for you protects me from my anger. my love for you keeps me alive. but what if i don’t want to be alive anymore? what if, on rare occasions like this, i wish i could live a life in which i had never met you? just so i know that the best doesn’t exist? just so i know that reality never matches expectations?
what if i want to unlove you because i’ve decided i don’t deserve to feel at ease?
what if my streak of independence and loneliness are more powerful than the love i have for you? would this be a mistake? would it? to let go of something wonderful for something awful?
what if i don’t want to take care of myself anymore? what if i want to be selfish?
to unlove you is to destroy me. would i take that risk? impulsivity tickles on my fingertips.
damaged people are dangerous because they can outlive death. damaged people are invincible. that’s the tragedy behind it all.