I took my senior seminar during a summer session in 5 weeks. My class was Peace Psychology and I had to propose a topic a week before class started. Topics included genocide, conflict resolution, the events that have recently unfolded in Rwanda, human rights, terrorism, children and war, reconciliation, etc. I decided I wanted to construct my paper on spirituality – finding peace in the individual. He laughed at me. He did. He asked me where I’m going to find this research because I need objective data. Duh, professor, I’ve only been here for three years, I wouldn’t construct a project based on subjective experiences. He told me I’d be better off with a more concrete idea, given that I won’t have the time to dive into such in-depth research because I was working 20-30 hours a week (he also asked me how much I was working). And I told him I was going to do it. And so that’s what I fucking did. I remember he had a look at my rough draft and he said I had a lot to work on with a few days to spare before the end of the quarter. Forming a well-rounded senior paper in 5 weeks is difficult I tell you, I wrote that damn thing in maybe 2.5 weeks whereas the first half of the session was solely research-based. He was worried for me, he said that this could be a potentially outstanding paper and he was wiling to give me an extension. I said no, and he told me that I wouldn’t get that A I was aiming for. I could tell he was testing me. He asked me why I wouldn’t take up his offer on the extension. I said because I’m turning 21 next week and I don’t want to have to worry about this over the weekend. He stared at me. I don’t care. I have nothing to lie about.
I busted my ass, completed my essay at 4am the morning of the due date, started creating a Powerpoint presentation at 4am, and finished it at 7am, and presented it at 10am. I aced the class.
The quarter afterward, I told him that I found a job in Palo Alto (one of the cities here in the Bay Area) for a clinical research assistant position. He told me that my chances of being hired are low, that they just place this ad on their website for future job replacements, that they may not even be hiring right now so that I shouldn’t get my hopes up. However, I didn’t go to his office hours to get a dose of reality, I wanted to know if he would offer a hand as a reference because their facilitation targets PTSD soldiers and my senior paper had centered around PTSD soldiers. He said yes. I never ended up applying because, well, to be honest, I was lazy. I still ever so often looked at that website, especially in December, and found that the ad had disappeared.
I just checked it now and low and behold, the ad has reappeared, looking for a second research assistant.
This post is to tell you that opportunities always present themselves, over and over again. Nothing is ever truly lost. Things come back. Things expand. It’s all about trusting the future. I will now be applying to two research positions. I could be working with the clinical research assistant that found that ad back in the fall.
Okay, and this post is also to show all these realists who like to laugh at me for having dreams. You can shut the fuck up now. If you don’t want to, that’s fine too. I’ll throw your joke back in your face. Your realism fuels me. You’re just out here to go by the rules. I’m here to do something with the world. I’m here to chase something more. I am not meant to live here and take the easy route. Don’t give me safety. I am here to express, to be true.
Never do what you need to do to get by, that’s not what you were put on this planet for. You are put on this planet to be the greatest you can be, and to spread that message. Put your body, your mind, your heart to work. Strive to be the best. What will you do that will test yourself to your limits? Do you have personal challenges? What will you do to change this world?