and in the hopes of becoming a better person, i instead chose to shelter myself into a bubble of personality characteristics that neglect to accurately depict who i am. i used to think i write the way i talk, and i talk the same way that i walk, and i walk the way i feel, and i feel the way i think. but none of it’s true, and it’s all been part of my imagination that i can place these pieces together and use it as a maneuver to be this person i want to be.
i had learned throughout the years that there are few things in life that are infinite. i had learned that sharing feelings often gets you into trouble. and i had also learned that love is a dangerous, dangerous weapon, a double-edged sword. and i had to let myself go in order to have a new life, in order to regain what i had lost and to fit into society. and i had to learn to be sarcastic. yes, i had to observe how others joked around and learned how to butt heads with one another and laugh about it, because i had let feelings overwhelm me so much that i had forgotten what it was like to look at the other side of the life that isn’t so serious.
and i had learned to explore the possibilities of every corner on my own. what secrets each place held, and where the key could be found to various people’s hearts. and some of them i have found, and some have been concealed within the boundless sky, hidden behind clouds, disappearing into the sunlight.
because once i believed in love. i believed love crawled around in the shadows. but nowadays, the only love i can even get a glimpse of is through a movie screen or through the words tangled within the depths of a capturing novel. and now there are simply remnants scattered throughout my life that represent the holes in my heart, the emptiness that i long to fill. and these are supposed the best years of your life. and maybe i’ll look back and believe so. there isn’t time for feelings and there isn’t time to sit and relax. time stops for no one, let alone you. and you are youthful, and you are divine, and you are a beautiful soul, but you won’t let anyone know. so live, and live, and live, because there’s no time for second chances. there are no seconds glances for love if it was never there to begin with.
and if this is everything i’ve always wanted, i’d like to have nothing at all.