there is an old controversy theory suggesting that ingenuity and madness
are interconnected, just look at van gogh and sylvia plath
and alfred tennyson. psychiatrists have found that artists
have the highest incidence for bipolar disorder. of these artists,
writers are the most bipolar. dig a little deeper, poets are the most
bipolar. we can narrow it down further, mystics are
the most bipolar. they speak of elation and misery,
of rapture and wretchedness. psychologists say that bipolar disorder
may be one of the mental illness’s that is strongly linked
to creativity, i think anything
is, when you fall to stay within the borders of a bell-shaped curve.
i read that van gogh created 70 paintings in 2 months before
he went into the field and shot himself.
have you ever looked at louis wain’s drawings of cats
that simultaneously depict a timeline of his battle with schizophrenia?
why is it that the people who study depression and
mania also the ones who also suffer from this disease?
i once heard about depressive personality disorder,
before they erased it from the guidebook, because
it was too hard to diagnose
a depressive personality seemingly ingrained in one’s being.
i fit almost all of the criteria for manic depressive disorder,
does this make me a functional walking disorder?
does this make me a genius or a lunatic? manic depression is
the overwhelming ability to feel a wide spectrum of emotions, and
awareness of how minute changes trickle much larger effects.
could this be a gift? is this a curse?
my best friend once asked
how am i the most depressive person yet so full of life,
it never crossed my mind before that. i thought these
waves of euphoria and melancholy were phases. can i argue that
manic depression protects me from insanity,
that i am too crazy for insanity, too crazy to ever truly be afraid?
mary mccauley describes people like me as “the few who
have a profound understanding of the relationship that exists
between art and madness” one time i expressed my fear
of being on the brink of insanity to a friend, and she said, no
you aren’t insane, but you would be, if you didn’t
reflect the way you do. again i ask, is it possible that my insanity
keeps me sane? or is this insanity in the making?
i now propose the chicken-egg situation: madness or creativity?