avalanche

there is an old controversy theory suggesting that ingenuity and madness

are interconnected, just look at van gogh and sylvia plath

and alfred tennyson. psychiatrists have found that artists

have the highest incidence for bipolar disorder. of these artists,

writers are the most bipolar. dig a little deeper, poets are the most

bipolar. we can narrow it down further, mystics are

the most bipolar. they speak of elation and misery,

of rapture and wretchedness. psychologists say that bipolar disorder

may be one of the mental illness’s that is strongly linked

to creativity, i think anything

is, when you fall to stay within the borders of a bell-shaped curve.

i read that van gogh created 70 paintings in 2 months before

he went into the field and shot himself.

have you ever looked at louis wain’s drawings of cats

that simultaneously depict a timeline of his battle with schizophrenia?

why is it that the people who study depression and

mania also the ones who also suffer from this disease?

i once heard about depressive personality disorder,

before they erased it from the guidebook, because

it was too hard to diagnose

a depressive personality seemingly ingrained in one’s being.

i fit almost all of the criteria for manic depressive disorder,

does this make me a functional walking disorder?

does this make me a genius or a lunatic? manic depression is

the overwhelming ability to feel a wide spectrum of emotions, and

awareness of how minute changes trickle much larger effects.

could this be a gift? is this a curse?

my best friend once asked

how am i the most depressive person yet so full of life,

it never crossed my mind before that. i thought these

waves of euphoria and melancholy were phases. can i argue that

manic depression protects me from insanity,

that i am too crazy for insanity, too crazy to ever truly be afraid?

mary mccauley describes people like me as “the few who

have a profound understanding of the relationship that exists

between art and madness” one time i expressed my fear

of being on the brink of insanity to a friend, and she said, no

you aren’t insane, but you would be, if you didn’t

reflect the way you do. again i ask, is it possible that my insanity

keeps me sane? or is this insanity in the making?

i now propose the chicken-egg situation: madness or creativity?

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2 comments
  1. I enjoy your poetry. A real life feel to the words. I like the thoughts and the question in the poem. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.

  2. I am so touched by what you have to say!!!! i’m glad this has resonated with you! Let me know if you ever come up with some if-then contingencies! Until then, I yield towards the lack of belief in causality heh

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