I was talking about one of our mutual friends, and she stops me in the middle of my sentence.
“You really love everybody.”
And I’m winded, I don’t know why she has said this so randomly, and I ask her what she means.
And she says, “The way you were just talking about her. There was a word you said, I don’t remember which, but it’s like you just loved her so intensely for a millisecond and then you kept moving on. It’s like you live in a world of loving people. You have really strong emotions for everything. It’s like you hide it.”
And I started to cry. Because it’s true. Because I live in a world of relationship anniversaries and best friend birthdays. I live in a world where that freeway exit reminds me of your house, where my aqua-colored flats remind me of that one time you wore aqua-colored jeans. Every time I buy a certain fruit, I remember it’s your favorite fruit and I buy it in honor of your wonderful existence in this world. When I see a painting of Salvador Dali, the first thing I think of is how much you love Salvador Dali, and how I would love to buy this painting for you. In that moment, I don’t even remember that I love Salvador Dali too, because I love him with you. It’s all without thinking, it’s all without conscience. It’s just the way I lead my life. I live a life of emotional associations with all of whom I’ve met. I live in a world where the next holiday is the next gift for the twins I babysit, because it gives me an excuse to shower them with presents. I remember you when you don’t. I live in a world where I stumble upon everybody’s happiness. Every time I pass by a store that my mom adores, I think of how much she’d love the proximity of the mall from my studio, whereas the mall is 2 hours from her home. I don’t live in a world of me. I live in a world of you.
And the world always reminds me of you.